The Thought of suicide, refreshing to some yet painful in it’s own way to others and to ones self. Sitting here thinking of ways to kill my self since the age of 13, now 31 mother of two yet the thought still taunts me. Every now and then I get that feeling to just end my life because of un-fulfillment/ uncertainty/ unhappiness in my life, but then when I begin to slip down that dark spiral room in my brain. I think of my kids and realize that I’m all they’ve got and if I out my self they would have no one to take care of them, “then my mind shift to what if I just do us all!” then I wouldn’t be leaving my kids on no one to take care of and all will be ok… See that’s the thing it’ll be ok for whom? The ppl that claim they love me and care about me, yet they are the same ones that can’t seem to see that something’s are really wrong with my picture, or will it be ok for me because I will no longer be here. Yet I go on every day is if everything’s ok, when deep down there’s a War of the self going on. I will not kill my self or my children, but I do think about it, I will seek help and talk to someone, because I do realize I need help, even though sometimes I say to my self, your strong, you’ve come so far, yet it seems I’ve accomplish nothing. The constant battle with ones self is most painful, yet it seems as times goes by the thoughts come and go, only triggered by episodes or events of life’s ever changing Cycles. So if you’ve ever had those thoughts of Suicide, speak with someone or write about it seek help, for there’s no salvation in taking your own life or any life… Life’s challenging but beautiful and full of adventures in it’s self, we all tend to be so consume by our everyday challenges and expectations that we drive our selves crazy. Enjoy the journey or path that has been laid out for your life course, for when your time has come the creator will take care of your home going, until then be encouraged be in good spirits, surround yourself with love and with people or things that you truly love and appreciate, and they truly love and appreciate you right back.

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